The Procrastinator Diaries
<Captain’s Log> 08:00 Managed to wake up early according to plan YES! <Captain’s Log> 21:00 How did I end up having a three hour dinner <Captain’s Log> 10:00 Why did I ever allow myself to go to sleep
15th December 2013. 8am. Sunny.
T minus 33 hours
Progress: 0/3000 words
11:15 It’s alright I’ll just not procrastinate today I still have 30 hours definitely still can make it
11:30 (gets in shower)
11:45 This new coconut oil smells so good hmmm
12:00 (emerges from shower) I FEEL REBORN
12:20 (practically weeping) Why can’t my eyeliner be symmetrical just this once?
12:45 (waits at minibus stop 13)
13:00 IS THIS MINIBUS A UNICORN
13:15 This is ridiculous I give up I’m getting on a taxi
13:30 And of course there’s not a single table in Chi Wah left
13:46 Wait but no first let me get Starbucks
13:53 The queue should not be this long
13:59 (sits down) Lemme Instagram this cup of coffee! I’ll just scatter some notes here on the table to make it look as if I’ve been hard at work…”Caption: Finally, back to reality! *sobbing emoji*”
14:00 (stares at blank screen and blinking cursor)
14:05 What’s the essay question again?
14:06 Oh dear lord there are 5 how do I even pick
14:07 I should have read the questions three weeks ago when it was given out…that way I could have subconsciously come up with a thesis in my sleep or something…
14:08 Okay this is not going to work. I need a mind map.
14:09 Or no maybe I need to outline my arguments
14:10 Let me google “how to start an essay”
14:11 Maybe I should just start writing the first thing that comes into my head and see where it goes from there
14:14 None of this is making any sense maybe I should just write the body and then see what thesis I can piece together from that
14:20 Urgh no that plan always backfires
14:21 Let me just go through the readings again and see if there’s anything I can use…
14:40 YES! I’VE SUCCESSFULLY NARROWED IT DOWN TO ONE QUESTION AND TOPIC! Now I can leaf through these 400 pages and pick out the relevant bits…
15:30 I’m working! I’m actually working! I’m on fire baby!
15:31 I think I deserve a rest now
15:32 No one liked my Instagram post I’m sad
15:33 The weather is so good I should be outside…you know what let me make a list of things to do after the exams
16:00 What am I doing here wasting my life away YOLO man
16:01 Maybe I need some music
16:02 Wow my playlist sucks time to make a new one
16:03 Wait but I can’t put Hilary Duff on this it’s Spotify everyone will see
16:10 Okay I’ll rest till 16:30 then I’ll go back to work
16:11 I should get some anti-procrastination motivation. Ryan Gosling!
16:12 Let me print this out and stick it on my desk!
16:14 And…too many people at the printers.
16:16 This lazy college senior meme is hilarious hahahahahhahaha I’m gonna share it on Facebook
16:17 Uh oh Facebook bad idea
16:18 He was online 10 minutes ago
16:18 STOP DON’T GO ONTO HIS PAGE
16:19 Well, he looks like he had fun last night. Ha ha ha.
16:20 tumblr tumblr tumblr
16:24 hahahaha cats aww Disney omg Tom Hiddleston is so hot ELLEN IS AWESOMEEEE CAN’T WAIT FOR THAT NEW SHERLOCK EPISODE
16:26 reblog reblog reblog like like like
16:27 why are these people staring at me did I just laughed out loud hey at least I’m not gaming with public resources like that guy over there
16:28 (makes sad face) Snapchat! “no motivation to work”
16:29 No new likes on Instagram
16:30 Just ten more minutes
16:31 (googles procrastination)
16:35 These people are even better at procrastination at me can’t I even do one thing right
16:43 Deep breaths I can do this
17:24 In this essay, I first will attempt to clarify and interpret Jameson’s ideas; I will then look at the problematic positioning of Hong Kong texts under Jameson’s categorization of first-world and third-world, and argue that to a large extent, both Fruit Chan’s Made in Hong Kong and Stanley Kwan’s Still Love You After All These can be regarded as third-world texts.
17:25 LOL no idea what I’m talking about but I think I sound smart
17:30 Oh hey I still haven’t read the news today
17:31 What on earth is bitcoin
17:32 Wikipedia time
17:50 So many interesting things to read on Wiki
18:15 Oh hey isn’t that Charles what’s he doing on campus? Hey you. Hey ‘sup how come you’re here don’t you have to work today? I took a day off to handle the graduation stuff. Wanna get dinner? Uhhh I have an essay due tomorrow…C’mon it’s gonna be fine let’s just do a quick one.
15th December 2013. 9pm. Cloudy with rain patches; fresh easterly winds.
T minus 20 hours
Progress: 334/3000 words
21:10 Everything in my mind’s a mess maybe I need a shower
21:42 Just one episode of Big Bang Theory while blow dry my hair
22:07 Or maybe another
22:08 Urgh I give up I’m just going to pull an all nighter. Just one more episode to keep me going…
22:30 How is this possible I’m hungry again
22:31 Whatsapp: hey wanna get flying pan with me at 2am?
22:32 YAY FRIEND SAID YES OKAY WILL WORK NON-STOP TILL THEN
23:45 First of all, Hong Kong seems to waver awkwardly between Jameson’s definition of worlds…. Hong Kong’s struggle with postcolonialism is especially distinct in the context of Made in Hong Kong and Still Love You After All These, both of which are films made around the time of the handover in 1997.
00:42 I feel like a zombie
02:00 TIME TO GET FOOD
02:22 Should I get the Eggs Benedict or the frittatas…decisions decisions
03:16 SO FULL
04:00 What is the meaning of life
16th December 2013. 10am. Cloudy with occasional sun
T minus 7 hours
Progress: 1756/3000 words
10:13 That’s it eating and showering can wait I’ll have to finish this first
10:15 But if I don’t do the laundry now I won’t have clean clothes to wear later
10:32 AND DOES NO ONE IN THIS APARTMENT EVER TAKE OUT THE TRASH?
10:55 Must…resist…temptation to clean house…
12:00 NO LUNCH FOR YOU CAUSE YOU WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT
12:14 Why is my desktop so cluttered
13:00 Now everything’s in neat little folders!
13:01 4 hours left and I’m still 800 words short how big can I make the font do you think they’ll notice
13:43 With more and more emigrating away from Hong Kong as the handover draws closer and the widespread sense of political uncertainty of the Chinese rule, politics permeates the mind of all – be it author, reader, or text.
14:53 I need a conclusion…here goes.
15:20 Alright only citations left, then all I have to do is proofread it and come up with a title
15:42 WHERE DID I GET ALL THESE PASSAGES FROM EVEN?
16:15 DONE DONE DONE GOTTA RUN BACK TO SCHOOL AND PRINT THIS
16:48 PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T PRINT LIKE FIFTY PAGES OF NOTES AND HOLD UP THE COPIER I JUST NEED TO PRINT FIVE
16:54 WHOSE IDEA IS IT TO DESIGN LIFTS THAT DON’T INDICATE WHICH FLOOR IT’S CURRENTLY AT
16:56 I MADE IT OMG HALLELUJAH
08:00 Managed to wake up early according to plan YES!
21:00 How did I end up having a three hour dinner
10:00 Why did I ever allow myself to go to sleep